During this revolutionary time of my life, I was so eager to share the fact that not just being Sons was important, not just being great orators or whatever else we felt our 'calling' was, but that being mentor-fathers to other men and young men and our children was essential, with everyone I thought would listen. Well, I soon found out not everyone shared the same vision as I. This concept was not that popular then, and many times I was shrugged off as the extremist. ( Sometimes a little harsher than that!)
My heart burned with the idea that surely we are NOT to be 'working' just for our own legacy, but the legacy of the next generation, for our children and childrens children.
Yes, it would mean I may have to sacrifice my own importance and self-centered concepts of what is important to me. Yes, it may mean that I would have to have a major paradigm shift with regards to my personal value system and what my priorities would be. Few understood my passion for this ideal. I had caught a glimpse of the fact that with the investment of mentor-fathers another generation in our land in the world, in the church could be influenced to be strong, committed with a moral sense of destiny for their lives.
Like myself when I was growing up, I saw many children and young people sidelined in the priorities of life. "Children should be seen and not heard", was the quote I had often heard. "We don't understand these teen agers, hope to God they grow up soon and get out of the house" was another. What a missed opportunity!
My greates desire was to see the men in my circle of influence so impacted and shifted in paradigm that their children and their childrens children would carry the impact of it. I desired to see them grow up with me just to see the outcome.
But I did not even know where to start!
I just did the best I could with the wisdom and the knowledge I had at that time while searching and studying all I could lay my hands on to increase this skill.
Except for the man who was my mentor-father, there not many who knew how or even wanted the responsibility of mentoring me let alone others.
Mentoring takes time, commitment, sacrifice, vision, and love.
Mentoring is not something you can hasten through in a 10 week program.
Mentoring means you lay aside your agendas and the mentee becomes the agenda.
Mentoring means you have and work toward a long term vison and objective, very long.
Mentoring means you give up ambitions of popularity and 'greatness.
Mentoring means you will have to encourage (give courage), confront (challenge) and pay the price for it.
Mentoring is rewarding, but an obscure reward.
Devote yourself today to becoming a mentor-father by studying what it means and begin, even though you may feel inadequate, begin, someone one day will be thankful you did.
Thursday, 18 June 2009
Raising Fathers
"Son, don't raise him just as a son, but as a father".
The words reverberated through my soul that evening as I looked at my oldest son sleeping.
My concern, like any father I am sure was, will my son grow up to be all he is supposed to be. Each of my boys are such a blessing to my life, and as I stood looking at my son sleeping, I was so proud and so thrilled and so awed at the task of raising him right.
But with these words a new dimension faced me in my responsibility as a father. I needed to be a mentor too. I realised just getting him through school and into the world and out of my hair could not and would not cut it with these words of a definite new role in my life.
Do you k now what new roles do to you?
They shift your paradigm or your world view or how you see things.
I couldn't just raise children anymore but now I had to raise fathers. I had to mentor them to raise another generation. To invest in another generation. As a mentor-father, my actions, my decisions, my investment would influence those yet to be born.
What you do as a mentor-father is going to go beyond what you can see. Good or bad.
It's going to strengthen, inspire, liberate, heal, seal, stabilise those you cannot yet see.Or weaken, breakdown, demoralise, discourage those you cannot yet see.
Our actions as Mentor-fathers go far beyond the time we live in.
live with purpose today toward that need you to father them.
The words reverberated through my soul that evening as I looked at my oldest son sleeping.
My concern, like any father I am sure was, will my son grow up to be all he is supposed to be. Each of my boys are such a blessing to my life, and as I stood looking at my son sleeping, I was so proud and so thrilled and so awed at the task of raising him right.
But with these words a new dimension faced me in my responsibility as a father. I needed to be a mentor too. I realised just getting him through school and into the world and out of my hair could not and would not cut it with these words of a definite new role in my life.
Do you k now what new roles do to you?
They shift your paradigm or your world view or how you see things.
I couldn't just raise children anymore but now I had to raise fathers. I had to mentor them to raise another generation. To invest in another generation. As a mentor-father, my actions, my decisions, my investment would influence those yet to be born.
What you do as a mentor-father is going to go beyond what you can see. Good or bad.
It's going to strengthen, inspire, liberate, heal, seal, stabilise those you cannot yet see.Or weaken, breakdown, demoralise, discourage those you cannot yet see.
Our actions as Mentor-fathers go far beyond the time we live in.
live with purpose today toward that need you to father them.
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
Where Are The Fathers?
There is such an orphan cry from so many in the world: "Where are the fathers?", Who will father me?".
At one Sunday service, during that early period when I was being illuminated in the dimension of being a mentor-father, I sensed an urgent need to call all the men forward who had never been hugged by their father. To my surprise a very large part of the audience came forward. These included even older men who probably were grandfathers themselves by now.
As I went from individual to individual and hugged their neck whispering encouragement of a fathers love to them, many, many broke down and began to weep, experiencing a release from years of missing something that everyone needs in their lives - the love of a father.
I am not sure if it was the physical hug that I gave or just an acknowledgment on their part and subsequent affirmation of a fathers love that resulted in the reaction.
Even more surprising was the response from the women and young girls from the audience. It broke my heart to see their reaction. I wept as I affirmed each lady. Their pain from rejection and abuse and lack of love was so emotionally and visibly evident. But what a freedom permeated the auditorium that morning as we concluded the meeting.
Again, I could only go to my study later that day, and realise the huge need there was for mentor-fathers to invest in a hurting, rejected generation.
Do you realise that the kid next door, sitting next to you in church, or attending your child's or grand-child's school could be, and probably is crying out for the affirmation and acknowledgment of a mentor-father?
At one Sunday service, during that early period when I was being illuminated in the dimension of being a mentor-father, I sensed an urgent need to call all the men forward who had never been hugged by their father. To my surprise a very large part of the audience came forward. These included even older men who probably were grandfathers themselves by now.
As I went from individual to individual and hugged their neck whispering encouragement of a fathers love to them, many, many broke down and began to weep, experiencing a release from years of missing something that everyone needs in their lives - the love of a father.
I am not sure if it was the physical hug that I gave or just an acknowledgment on their part and subsequent affirmation of a fathers love that resulted in the reaction.
Even more surprising was the response from the women and young girls from the audience. It broke my heart to see their reaction. I wept as I affirmed each lady. Their pain from rejection and abuse and lack of love was so emotionally and visibly evident. But what a freedom permeated the auditorium that morning as we concluded the meeting.
Again, I could only go to my study later that day, and realise the huge need there was for mentor-fathers to invest in a hurting, rejected generation.
Do you realise that the kid next door, sitting next to you in church, or attending your child's or grand-child's school could be, and probably is crying out for the affirmation and acknowledgment of a mentor-father?
Monday, 15 June 2009
The Quest
Mentor-Father, is not a role a person could just assume in a person's life. It is a place that has to, in a way, be given, earned and, certainly be destined.
As my heart began to yearn for more knowledge and skill of what a mentor-father should be, my quest was to discover how to do this. Personally, my own father had been good to me, but absent and lacking in passing on the skills of fathering. The father-mentor in my life was being an amazing inspiration and source of impartation to my life. His influence was creating a definite sense of being just who I am and need to be. Spending time with him on a regular basis fashioned me more and more into a secure self-sufficient individual capable of functioning without the constant approval of certain groups. This influence helped me to quit wanting to be like someone else or anybody else other than myself, simply because I didn't believe in who I was. I realised how that, my view of myself, had an impact on on how I functioned, how I related to others, especially leaders. Many didn't know I would just tremble inside when I spoke to them. I needed their acknowledgemnet; I needed their acceptance; I desperately needed them to approve of me. I worked so hard to have them as friends, to belive in me; and yet I couldn't find it there. The more I sought it, the more I seemed to be rejected, the more insignificant I seemed to end up feeling.
Except for the man who was destined, whom I had given permission in a sense, and
who through his own strength of character and open-heartedness, was now my mentor-father.
Outside of his influence, there were no books, CD's or DVD's about the topic to guide my thinking and understanding and quest to learn. No, I had to depend on the what I would learn through impartation.
Honestly, I now see that is the only way we can in fact learn this age-old skill, passed down from the Heavenly Father Himself.
Who has permission to impart the skills of the father's to your heart?
Who do you trust to leave behind in your life the understanding necessary to pass on the skill to another generation?
Is there someone you believe is destined to do this with you?
As my heart began to yearn for more knowledge and skill of what a mentor-father should be, my quest was to discover how to do this. Personally, my own father had been good to me, but absent and lacking in passing on the skills of fathering. The father-mentor in my life was being an amazing inspiration and source of impartation to my life. His influence was creating a definite sense of being just who I am and need to be. Spending time with him on a regular basis fashioned me more and more into a secure self-sufficient individual capable of functioning without the constant approval of certain groups. This influence helped me to quit wanting to be like someone else or anybody else other than myself, simply because I didn't believe in who I was. I realised how that, my view of myself, had an impact on on how I functioned, how I related to others, especially leaders. Many didn't know I would just tremble inside when I spoke to them. I needed their acknowledgemnet; I needed their acceptance; I desperately needed them to approve of me. I worked so hard to have them as friends, to belive in me; and yet I couldn't find it there. The more I sought it, the more I seemed to be rejected, the more insignificant I seemed to end up feeling.
Except for the man who was destined, whom I had given permission in a sense, and
who through his own strength of character and open-heartedness, was now my mentor-father.
Outside of his influence, there were no books, CD's or DVD's about the topic to guide my thinking and understanding and quest to learn. No, I had to depend on the what I would learn through impartation.
Honestly, I now see that is the only way we can in fact learn this age-old skill, passed down from the Heavenly Father Himself.
Who has permission to impart the skills of the father's to your heart?
Who do you trust to leave behind in your life the understanding necessary to pass on the skill to another generation?
Is there someone you believe is destined to do this with you?
Thursday, 11 June 2009
Your Legacy, Your Significance.
I heard of a man whose father had died. He was reqested, by his mother to do the funeral. His father was not a very significant leader as far as the circles he moved in. He had been the minister of a small local church and had been a rather obscure figure in the city.
Upon arrival in the city the night before the funeral, the son decided to visit at his fathers little down town church to pay his last respects. Upon entering the building the lack of light caught him off guard and his made his way into the little auditorium he found himself stumbling over something and then again and again. As his eyes began to adjust to the dark he noticed that young men were laying in the aisles and between the pews.
These were young men who had come from all over the country to pay their last respects. These were the next generation leaders that his father had mentored and invested in over the years. This seemingly insignificant leader had invested himself in what others had not noticed or paid attention to.
Now my details may be sketchy, but this story I heard about 12 years or so ago, affected me deeply. The cry of my heart after hearing this was that I may influence many in this way.
What an honour to this mans life and work. What an honour to his time and investment. It wasn't about his legacy, his 'great' name, his great ministry. It was all about pouring his life into another generation.
I began to see that the only true legacy I could leave behind was in the lives of others. To deposit the little of my revelation and understanding into someones life was the most significant contribution I could ever make in this life. I was so stirred and inspired. And yet I was broken and feeling incapable of such a task.
Where is your focus?
What is your significance?
What are you leaving behind?
My call has been since then and still is "Where are the Fathers?","Where are the Mothers?"
Upon arrival in the city the night before the funeral, the son decided to visit at his fathers little down town church to pay his last respects. Upon entering the building the lack of light caught him off guard and his made his way into the little auditorium he found himself stumbling over something and then again and again. As his eyes began to adjust to the dark he noticed that young men were laying in the aisles and between the pews.
These were young men who had come from all over the country to pay their last respects. These were the next generation leaders that his father had mentored and invested in over the years. This seemingly insignificant leader had invested himself in what others had not noticed or paid attention to.
Now my details may be sketchy, but this story I heard about 12 years or so ago, affected me deeply. The cry of my heart after hearing this was that I may influence many in this way.
What an honour to this mans life and work. What an honour to his time and investment. It wasn't about his legacy, his 'great' name, his great ministry. It was all about pouring his life into another generation.
I began to see that the only true legacy I could leave behind was in the lives of others. To deposit the little of my revelation and understanding into someones life was the most significant contribution I could ever make in this life. I was so stirred and inspired. And yet I was broken and feeling incapable of such a task.
Where is your focus?
What is your significance?
What are you leaving behind?
My call has been since then and still is "Where are the Fathers?","Where are the Mothers?"
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
The Mentor-Father
Where does a journey begin, really? It could start anywhere. But let me tell you where mine started - searching, unknowingly for a mentor-father. I was insecure and rejected by some whom i highly respected and needing the affirmation of a mentor-father. It just seemed nobody understood what that meant. I didn't even know what that meant.Until a friend explained it to me and suggested I request a certain man to be a mentor-father to me.
When I did it seemed that a weight lifted off of me that had kept me inferior for so long. His acceptance and unconditional love offered me a whole new world of understanding of myself and of others. No more would 'leaders' be out of my league. No more would I feel insignificant in their presence. No more would I have to do anything to 'earn' their acceptance and love. I didn't 'need' their acknowledgment anymore.
You talk about liberation! This was huge! Our journey since then has experienced joys and tests, but that commitment to journey together stood the test of time. What an understanding of mentor-fathering it deposited in me.
what a threat it became to others...
Till next time.
When I did it seemed that a weight lifted off of me that had kept me inferior for so long. His acceptance and unconditional love offered me a whole new world of understanding of myself and of others. No more would 'leaders' be out of my league. No more would I feel insignificant in their presence. No more would I have to do anything to 'earn' their acceptance and love. I didn't 'need' their acknowledgment anymore.
You talk about liberation! This was huge! Our journey since then has experienced joys and tests, but that commitment to journey together stood the test of time. What an understanding of mentor-fathering it deposited in me.
what a threat it became to others...
Till next time.
Monday, 29 December 2008
My Journey
"Dad", my middle son exclaimed."I really am the happiest and the most excited when we are planting, or doing church."
Wow~ My heart was stirred within me. That after all we have been through, that would still be his heart. As a father, that is all I could ever have wished for.
But now...How was I to see that fulfilled for him, for me. I feel so weary, so dispaired!
As each of my sons were born, there was a prayer and a cry in my heart, that one day, we would be able to serve together in great army of the Kingdom. This became a mission for my wife and me, as a father, to teach and train them in the ways of the Kingdom and to lead them to its true riches; to be their mentor and model first and foremost, before I was to any others.
But now, at this point, I felt a broken man, maybe a failure. How can I do this?
"Let's start again, Dad. You can do this! You are the best at it. You know how to reach people. God uses you Dad. More than in anything else." His words stabbed my heart. I don't even know in which city I belong anymore, let alone to what purpose. Oh my heart ached to be able to be the father I had set out to be years back.
So much had happened since then, since the day my Heavenly Father had spoken to me as I looked at my firstborn sleeping soundly, " My son, you are not raising a son , but a father."
This is going to be a story about my journey. The journey includes principles the Father taught me; the changes I made; the mistakes I committed; the fathers who impacted me, both spiritual and natural; and the dream I carry in my heart.
Please feel free to join me as I unfold my personal journey. I hope it instructs you in some ways, and heals me in many.
Wow~ My heart was stirred within me. That after all we have been through, that would still be his heart. As a father, that is all I could ever have wished for.
But now...How was I to see that fulfilled for him, for me. I feel so weary, so dispaired!
As each of my sons were born, there was a prayer and a cry in my heart, that one day, we would be able to serve together in great army of the Kingdom. This became a mission for my wife and me, as a father, to teach and train them in the ways of the Kingdom and to lead them to its true riches; to be their mentor and model first and foremost, before I was to any others.
But now, at this point, I felt a broken man, maybe a failure. How can I do this?
"Let's start again, Dad. You can do this! You are the best at it. You know how to reach people. God uses you Dad. More than in anything else." His words stabbed my heart. I don't even know in which city I belong anymore, let alone to what purpose. Oh my heart ached to be able to be the father I had set out to be years back.
So much had happened since then, since the day my Heavenly Father had spoken to me as I looked at my firstborn sleeping soundly, " My son, you are not raising a son , but a father."
This is going to be a story about my journey. The journey includes principles the Father taught me; the changes I made; the mistakes I committed; the fathers who impacted me, both spiritual and natural; and the dream I carry in my heart.
Please feel free to join me as I unfold my personal journey. I hope it instructs you in some ways, and heals me in many.
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