A few years back, I submitted myself to a Mentor/Father, but unfortunately he had agendas that I was not aware of that in the long run cost me dearly.
People would ask very suspiciously why I would even have considered the relationship. Understanding the dynamics of the mentor -mentee relationship is hard to explain when you have not been there and when you get caught in the web- that place of deception and control.
I was given a series of teaching by another mentor in my life and when I listened, I was so inspired within, because it was what I knew to be true and knew I needed. You see, as a young minister and leader I was still struggling so much with insecurity and wanting to do it right. my heart had always been to preach and teach God's Word and see the church and people come to their full potential and 'learn' to know the Lord in a deeper dimension by knowing the Word. My wife and sat under some of the best teachers in the world and sensed the calling of God to take it to the world. We were so excited. We had worked with young people and children and had shared at numerous church camps, youth retreats, crusades and campaigns. We had taught and overseen our own cell group which had grown, we even had planted a little church that didn't do too well.
But when it came down to it, the second church we planted grew and we were excited about those coming to fellowship us. I sought out men who I thought could help me with leadership, of myself and others. In retrospect I can see they probably didn't know much either, because I went from "If you want to relate to me, you have to relate to my organisation" to outright rejection when I didn't do it their way. the stuff I ended up being scripted in was not always beneficial and left me still with a vacuum in my leadership and in who I was.
Of course the instructors wanted me to 'come under' so they claim something of how many they have 'under' them. But that was not my heart.
Where were the mentor-fathers who at their cost of their own lives would be prepared to take you under their wing , with no agenda and share their lives and experience with you.
Everybody had their own idea and basically really knew.
I then heard the message about the pastor and his father that I shared about earlier in this series, and I saw it, I saw what was needed. But as I began to share it with others, boy, did I ever get rejected again.
Fast forward to the day I receive the set of tapes with teachings regarding what needs to happen in the church and I believed I had encountered an Apostolic Father. I listened day and night and studied the word for myself. I pursued and tried to associate as much as possible, believing that here would be a father that could assist me with my leadership and shortfalls. But Oh was I ever so wrong!
Unfortunately, slowly but surely I began to discover that what I was hearing and what I heard was not what was being lived. the actions of the 'mentor-father' did not line up with their instruction. IT WASN'T REAL!
I was devastated, and it left me disappointed and disillusioned. But even more it left me wiser. Even though in the lesson of control, manipulation and all the pain, trauma and devastation, it cost me everything I had - even my purpose, my vision, and my sense of self esteem I was Wiser because I now had been to the jaws of and belly of control by a very insecure leader who could teach but not live what he taught. Leaving a trail of broken, disillusioned and robbed leaders behind him.
It was only by the grace of God that I was released from this, and found my freedom that comes through the gospel of truth.
We have to learn, as mentor fathers to be real and live what we believe, because that is what our disciples/mentees will emulate.
Do not teach what you do not do.
Be real, be transparent.
Do not let your insecurities control you.(or others)
Always, always keep in perspective that the child/mentee's full potential is the agenda not your fame and ego.
Seek their liberty as leaders, that they may come into the place of independence and inter-dependence, rather than the immature emotional state of counter- and co-dependence.
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