What Do You Have, Mentor?

As a mentor/father you need a conscious knowing of, and confidence in, your value and worth internally. Many people and mentors do not really know what they value and why. Without this intrinsic confident self-awareness, you cannot deal with others in a relationship with security and assurance. 

If you do not know and have a deep sense of knowing your value, your worth, and secure contentment with who you are, you cannot convey and impart it to another.

But to do that you also have to be able to
distinguish between the behaviour and the individual.

Let’s look at ourselves:

If we are constantly putting ourselves down with self-talk, bemoaning our failures, afraid of taking initiatives, still trying to prove ourselves, needing recognition, and have an inner sense of discord and discontent – you can be sure we are weak and insecure and will try to manipulate and control our environment. We will never feel “good enough”, strong enough, and confident enough.

If we are comparing ourselves with others and belittling ourselves because of our weaknesses, we will always be attaching our value and worth to our action, accomplishments, and behaviour.

Now the same applies to the mentee. Even though bad behaviour and weak character traits need to be confronted and dealt with, change can only begin from the inside out. 

First there needs to be an investment and communication and acknowledgement of the individuals worth and value.

When I begin a mentoring process with an individual, I begin with a values discovery assessment. Because I know that to change anything in their life, they will need a secure confident knowledge of who they are, what they believe in, and what is important to them.

Of course, mostly, they want to get straight to what we can do now to make everything better and right. Fix my marriage NOW! Fix my life NOW!

The same goes for mentors or individuals that want to mentor others. If they are unaware of the value of who they are, they will rather judge and measure (regardless of how confident they may make themselves out to be) the mentee or others, by their character and behaviour.

Bring out the best in the person by believing in their potential as an individual, apart from their behaviour. 

Always think inside-out!

I have noticed over the years how leaders who have little self-belief and self-worth will for the most part, demand action, right behaviour, strict adherence, loyalty, and proper treatment, thinking that these will produce the best results. When the persons who have been built up intrinsically with a conscious sense of strength in the inner man, value that has potential, security in their worth, and real self-esteem, will ultimately, with initiative, produce the best quality, and be on a path of continuous improvement.

Inspire their best – build their inner person.